Mujer Apasionada

Some words of encouragement, reality, and compassion.

Living Without Passion

It is easy to let yourself drift into a monotonous and miserable path. The main reason is because we begin to lose focus and lose ourselves. We as interactive and social creatures need to be heard and felt, but before we do that we have to come into a deep realization of the self. Taking full control of your self, mind, and actions; and when that fails, making sure to keep yourself accountable. To point the blame at someone else for the mishaps of your life can be irresponsible and self destructive; leaving in the hands the responsibility of your own mental well-being to another source will always be a conscious backtracking decision to make.  The only way to grow in this “reality” is to actively become aware of yourself and becoming in tune to your intuition and intentions. Coming to terms with your wrongs and knowing how to correct it within yourself and moving forward can lead to a path of limitless outcomes (positive of course).

Since there is no set time or place as to which one experiences their journey it is up to each individual to become what they want and what makes them feel purposeful. Finding a passion is simple, humans are naturally very good at many things and better with practice of course, maintaining and continuously working with and from that passion as a key to inspiring new ideas and actions in your life. Although routine can work for most people, others will find that a repetitive cycle of days and hobbies will run them dry and begin a whole new cycle of monotony once again. Learning how to be patient with yourself and not always expecting for things to be as planned will provide a less stressful platform for your days. Remembering that nothing is better in the moment than what feels best, and focusing on that honest and good feeling can take you to places that you forget are what existing is about. We are not meant to dread and engulf ourselves with guilt and satisfying the ego. Giving back and doing what you love will lead to a much happier and steady mental space.

It is obviously easy to read and say these things, another is practicing and leaving it to your consciousness to manifest it’s desires in a positive way each and every day. Practicing mindfulness on a day to day basis such as leaving things unsaid for the benefit of another party, learning to let go, or simply giving kind words to make someone feel like things are not as bad as they may seem. Mental health is and always will be something that drives our bodies to do what it does, if you find you are not getting the best out of your day because your mental health is suffering maybe its time to check in on yourself and figure out what your body is lacking and how you can help it in order for your mind and body to function at its best. Self love starts as a thought and consideration for yourself, it will slowly start to develop more mindful thoughts towards others and a more deeper sense of understanding. Understanding yourself and your needs of course, but also understanding others and their reactions and why what we do can really affect our surroundings.

That being said, I hope that this can be found as an inspirational trigger to get the brain thinking and reevaluating where you stand with yourself. Transparency, love, and understanding will help you find the fiery passion that burns within us all.

 

To Be A Decent Human

Let it be known that I do not think I should justify my beliefs to anyone, but I do think that you are entitled to learn about an idea that benefits humanity as a whole. Perceiving feminism as a radical idea or “excuse” for women to do what they want is actually discrediting everything it has come to be. Feminism is not for the weak minded; My interpretation of this concept (or movement to be more precise) is an extension of one’s common sense. Even though most of us can see that common sense is not as common as we would prefer it to be, it is nonetheless a mean to equate humanity.

Roughly from the many interpretations that there are, the one common ground I find while reading the different “branches” or ideologies is that it is a progressive concept fighting for not only equal social, economical, political, and personal rights for women but also for all minorities who have/are dealing with oppression. Oppression being the core of belittling and emitting hate towards a group of people; I find that the oppressor never truly believes they are wrong and that further explains why there seems to be a division of people. This is where feminism comes to play and puts to perspective that all living beings have a right to exist so long as they do not cause harm to another. Finding the connection between you and other living creatures and truly believing you are no more or less than them you already practice feminism. Call it as you will, these are the ideologies that have been deeply rooted in conscious and “activist” movements tied with feminism.

I’ve heard and read about how some may not identify with feminism simply because they have “traditional” values; you can do and believe whatever you like as long as your beliefs do not intervene another persons life/RIGHTS. It is quite simple but hard for those who may think that one way is the only way, we must remember there are people and beings of many different walks of life, perspectives and cultures. The idea here is that you can coexist with others and live and let live, respecting the equal rights of all (especially those who are not yet valued). Just because you’d rather be a housewife does NOT mean you cannot be a feminist, just like because you’re a male does NOT mean you cannot be a feminist. I’m just saying that we should stop thinking of this F word as an annoying or trendy. It just shows that you can be a decent human being and others will still oppose.

Yes, feminism is about female empowerment because let’s not get carried away with disassociating our “beauty standards” with what the media portrays, and it’s a bit much for us to accept our HUMAN flaws and better ourselves for ourselves (please take note of my sarcasm). Yes, feminism is about equal rights for the gay and trans community because they are fucking people too and their “labels” do not define what they can or can not do. And yes, feminism is about uniting with POC in all of the times of dispare and injustice done for the simple matter of fact that they are perceived differently in the eyes of others and the “law” because of their looks, language, and even their names. And yes, feminism defends you and your hardships, the wrongs you have dealt because you have also grown in a society that has been built on a patriarchal ideology.

As a self proclaimed feminist, I will not apologize for standing up for what I believe in and why I choose to be the voice of the oppressed.

You Belong Here

As late as this is, at least it is here. Instead of talking about how I passed my holidays and how insignificant “New Years” is to me because time is just a man made concept that I don’t fret over; I’ll say my mind kept scraping the names that will not be able to see the ‘new year’. I feel as though each year that goes by I become more and more aware of my existence and why I am here, slowly experiencing my purpose. I am bringing in this year with a much more positive mindset and open mind. By now I have learned that too much planning will only bring disappointments and unmet “goals”. Instead I have a broad idea of what I would like to see in myself and how I can make that happen day to day. That’s how everything should be experienced, day to day. Focus on the small and large details and knowing when to give yourself a break.

Try not to mourn past events and those who are not here, instead live in tribute to those lost, live honestly and share your passions with the world. Life is truly too short to live with regrets and ‘what ifs’. Dedicate yourself to being unapologetic about your rational feelings and rely on the universe accommodate the beings and materials in your life that are meant to, and never force a puzzle piece that does not fit.

And that is all, short and sweet little welcoming of what this year will bring. Bring on the laughs, tears, angry rants, self empowerment, and justice for the voiceless.

Eating You from the Inside

Anxiety is that feeling of being too comfortable in a pool and suddenly walking to a deeper end where you lose your step and all your senses become amplified. Pair that with depression and you have a cocktail of constant internal disasters. Two polar mental illnesses intertwined, when the depression hits and the glass seems to be getting empty the anxiety kicks in and that glass shatters. Dealing with and living with both of these illnesses on a day to day basis can get overwhelming, but the best way to face it is to accept it.

I find that when my anxiety is at its peak I’m usually being reckless with my feelings and not truly paying attention to myself. What has helped me stay grounded and at ease is my breathing, centering my focus, and remembering that as a vessel with needs I have to take a little extra steps to be on an even plane. Meditation, the practice of emptying your mind and focusing on breathing helps be in touch with your soul. Whether I’m out in public trying to figure out how to approach a situation or just thinking too far ahead that my mind thinks of too many possible outcomes that I make myself physically sick and can’t seem to catch my breath. This is when those exercises come in handy, I try to ground myself once more and remind myself that what matters at this very moment is this moment only. Although not everyone can manage without pharmaceutical drugs, which most know I am against for personal reasons, there is always alternatives which I go to if I have a highly stressful day or week, which happen to be herbs. Whether I turn to kava in the night or ashwagandha during the day, I make sure that I eat throughout the day and practice yoga in a class or at home as a form of exercise and centering activity.

When depression knocks on the door it’s almost like it moves in with you, won’t let you out of bed, makes you feel exhausted emotionally and physically, gives me migraines, I feel like I’m just carrying a ridiculously heavy weight on my shoulders when I’m trying to go about my day, and at night it won’t let me sleep until my mind has reminded me every little situation I’ve completely failed at or could have changed. The worse part is that you can’t just cry, your body just won’t let you, you become numb. The numbness can consume you if you let it, you get so accustomed to it that you are suddenly “fine” but not even sure what that means. This is and always was tricky for me to kick myself out of, I think pushing myself each day to do more and tire myself out doing “real life” things helped get me out of the abandoned trail of melancholy; it really is not easy, with or without the pharmaceuticals because good and bad days will always be. It really comes down to your mindset, reconditioning yourself to think and twist things in a positive way even when there seems to be none. Learning gratitude and patience with yourself will heal, forgiving yourself and others, and doing things for yourself (as little as hydrating yourself, taking long baths, or reading something that will make you smile), there is no set time/duration of these episodes. Sometimes it’ll be a day, week, month or even a year. The key is to accept it and face it like you would a sick child/pet, take care of yourself, love yourself and give yourself time to rebalance.

Although I know that most people cannot get by like I have and everyone deals with their own illness differently, just know that there is always someone who cares and that you can open up to. Talking things out, regardless how small they seem really helps. And if you don’t have that I am always willing to lend an ear and some advice. I know how fucked up it feels to not have someone to be there when you need it and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Be patient, love yourself and others, don’t let the darkness consume you and remember to breathe.

“Dangerous Women”

There is absolutely no better satisfaction and peace to a woman who finally realizes her worth and strength. You learn to utilize those qualities as a tool in your favor. It’s realizing that you can manipulate your life accordingly and push yourself to limits you forgot you had. After all, there’s nothing fucking poetic about being submissive to a life that makes you drag yourself around each day; moaning about how miserable you are and yet making yourself that much more miserable with those thoughts in the universe. There is power to taking life day by day not knowing where you will end up but having the courage to leap anyway. I constantly see women, mothers more than anything, struggle to get by in a male dominant society.

It is always those few dangerous ones that thrive, the ones who instill their assertive energy to go over obstacles, the ones who won’t take no for an answer. My heart bleeds for the women who are mentally and physically beaten to the point of surrender. But those are the ones who become dangerous, I see them, picking themselves off the ground ready to fight another fight and face those demons with nothing but grace and serenity. It’s the women who look passed the belittling of other women and choose to see the good in everyone. Working together and empowering one another because they don’t want you to do that. They prefer the woman who shrinks herself for them, they are afraid of the power you have within. And when I say “they” I mean society and the standards set for the “perfect” woman. Why hurt ourselves and each other if we are all perfect already? Perfectly yourself, always working on yourself and the inner peace. Just know you are beautiful, no matter your sexual organs, color of your skin, personal preference, religious practice, the symmetry of your face, or even the numbers on a scale. There is always a much bigger picture that you are helping create, you’ll have to use both dark and light, contrasting just right to make the ultimate masterpiece that is your life.

I think I speak for many women today when I say that I’m tired of double standards and the expectations that are held against us. Whether the damage was done by a significant other, father figure, mother, or strangers everyday, you are not alone. When we grow up in an environment that works against our own will, we cannot thrive. Only when we communicate and stand our ground do we push forward, even if that sometimes means that we must stop all contact with another person. Some are just not destined to be in our path and the universe will manifest that in negativity. You can always make a difference in your life when you have the motivation to. After all, we need that negativity and hurt to differentiate the good and well deserved co-inhabitant. Start at home, work, school, and in social environments, that’s where it begins. The unlearning of prejudice and machismo, the advancing ideals of a generation who lives and let’s live; flourishing through the power of love and empowerment of the oppressed.

Spread Love and Light

I haven’t been able to properly voice my feelings these past few weeks. On one end I feel as though my heart has lost some hope in humanity. The trailing backwards is as evident now as it has been before, there’s only a matter of time before we somehow lose our progression entirely. But then I remember that progress is not always a straight line forward, it’s almost like an arrow, being sprung back in order to go forward again but with more power.
It takes a lot of energy to be understanding and take hits and still continue with poise; That is why I think my peers, family, and myself are so emotionally exhausted. The dejavú of institutional racism being so alive in our country and society has brought clarity into the eyes of those who were once passive. My heart drags on for my fellow POC, constantly being a target to the “man”, never left to our own devices. Under the microscope of the government we are forced to do, eat, and drink what they give, like lab rats.

This is why I think in times like these it is vital that we stay connected. As Roger Water wrote in one of my favorite Pink Floyd songs “together we stand, divided we fall”. This is a time to teach and share our knowledge and feelings, to not lose hope, channel our anger into good and fight for humanity to stay sane. Let us not forget that those bigots we are constantly trying to prove our existence to are from birth conditioned to think this way. If one must continue to argue to get the point across that we should be able to coexist then so be it, as ridiculous as it sounds. Why can’t we coexist? My mind is boggled by how ego driven humans are.

With that being said, I love you. Don’t forget to reflect on yourself, your surroundings, and situation. I am sorry that we are a wounded earth beyond repair, but you can make a difference. This is not the first or last time we face a struggle and the hardest part is just getting through.

New Sites

One of the most inspiring things you can do is getting out of your comfort zone and into a new environment. Nothing shows you’re human more than the heart pounding anxiety you get when you’re surrounded by a sea of strangers. In a place where no one knows or cares to know you, there’s a peaceful acceptance of being one with the crowd. The sudden rush of emotions and motivation are exhilarating. You think you can do anything with this new found love.

The feeling of “home is where the heart is”, no matter the location you find yourself in if you are not there with love and an open mind it won’t be a great experience. If traveling has taught me anything, it would be to surround myself with good energy and light to guide me. I have been fortunate enough to be graced with the vibrations of good people with good intentions. I’m constantly reminded of how fragile our existence is and that at any moment we can cease to be, therefor I will continue to strive and reach for new limits.

I encourage those who find it hard to explore new environments to find their good place and meditate towards an open and welcoming mind. With an open mind you can achieve and understand beyond your old boundaries and enjoy the ride easily. What are your thoughts on travel? What makes you ease the anxiety?
I find comfort in trying new food and having a cup of coffee can really set the tone for the rest of my trip.

Still here

Time and pain is needed to grow, there is a moment in everyone’s life when we make an important transition that directs us down a new path. Mentally, you distance yourself from distractions and pull away from toxic relationships. It will hurt… you start to see what really matters and what has been slowing you down.

You will learn that loving yourself is the most important thing you could do for your mental health. That poisoning your body to feel good is unrealistic. When one begins to be honest with themselves a portal opens. Within this portal you find the true meaning of companionship, how to empathize with others, and witness the many lost souls who are on the same ride that you are on.

Even though it seems as if we may have no control over what happens on a large scale or an impact in the way things are seen, you must remind yourself that your thoughts and feelings are valid. You can make a difference by sharing knowledge and manifesting your actions through love. I strongly believe that it makes all of the difference to be bold and unapologetic, to not let yourself be pushed around on any level. We as humans forget to remain present and conscious of our surroundings, especially now that most of our communication is in a way artificial.

Consciousness like ignorance is a choice now. You can choose to be aware of the impact you make in this universe, no matter how small. You can also choose to cloud your mind and fall the victim to yourself. We are in control of our own circumstances, you just have to be awake to pave the road.

As for the cliché of this post, your past has passed and your future is what will be, but you are you now. I constantly have to tell myself that I am not living in vain and that there is more to experience and fail at and prove. There is always more and you just have to remain true to yourself and to those around you. Cut out the toxic people,  substances, and thoughts. This is your reminder to keep on going.

 

Jammed

That’s how I feel. Just jammed, confused, bitter, and slightly frustrated. I constantly feel this way but I don’t feed into it, I just sort of let it be and ignore it as much as possible.
The most difficult times are when I can’t control it and I lash out on the nearest vessel.

Lately I’ve lashed out and I don’t realize how wrong it was for me to do so, having patience takes a lot more energy than I thought. I think it’s even more difficult when there is no one to speak of your worries and frustrations with, you become a balloon full of negativity that can pop at any moment.

A person should not have to test one’s patience, they should be as neutral as possible and move forward. I know even now it’s hard to tell who to trust because you just can’t see who is wearing a mask and who isn’t. Too often the ones wearing masks seem the most inviting and well-rounded and it’s best if you stay away when it seems too good to be true because let’s face it, it usually is. Having hope is one thing, and having false expectations is another. As much as I’d like to say you can do whatever you please, it isn’t always that easy. You have to remember that you have to face everything in a realistic way and still have a positive mind frame. When a situation is aligned well and has a decent path to be followed, go for it, build your path, no one enters their doors the same way; find the way to get to yours and open it with the key of success.

Keep your feet in the soil and your head towards the sun.

Your life is not valued by what you own but what you make of it. It’s nice to have materialistic value, but always expand your inner horizons.

Let’s see how well I can follow my own words, numb through it all. I’ll be dammed if I fall.

Tune

I don’t dwell much on my inability to sleep. Instead I think of it as a little extra “me time”.

This is when I can let myself melt into my favorite songs, whether it be a smooth saxophone, a guitar solo, or a soft voice. It gives me time to properly appreciate music. This is when everything else is silent but the sweet notes play on into my ears.

The tune, the process of healing and regenerating myself. I’m able to get lost in a song and just feel each instrument and lyric.

Even if my mind is consumed by dreadful and overpowering thoughts, I still find myself escaping through this rhythm.

I suppose this is just one of those “mind over matter” type of things, instead of dreading all the things I need to do the next day, I remind myself to breathe and let things flow.
I’ll eventually fall asleep and I’ll take on the next day with a better way of viewing my surroundings and have the inspiration I collected from my sleepless “me time”.