Isolation

There is a fine line between giving yourself some space to breathe and reevaluate your life, and tumbling down into a guilt ridden depressive episode. Why guilt ridden you might ask? Sometimes we feel as if there is no time or space to be with ourselves in a vulnerable and troubling position. It is easy to think there is no one to trust with the thoughts that creep inside your head. But don’t fret, these feelings are valid. The good thing about distancing yourself from everything lets you take a step back and truly realize what is important.

You have your health, you have at least one person you can go to to air out the feelings and thoughts to. And if you truly do not think so then I encourage you to send me a message. I will be that ear. For I have already lost 3 people in my life to suicide and I would hate for it to be another person that has access to me, who’s a person that’s been there. That’s seen the ugly and can also empathize with how hard life can push a person down. You are special, you are valuable, you deserve a chance to exist in this world the way you feel happiest and content. And that all starts with reaching out and doing things outside of your norm that you know and can acknowledge will help you.

If for whatever reason you find that you cannot reach me through message, send an email to priscellastefanie@gmail.com and we can talk.

I hope you have a blessed day/night.

Oh, humanity, where’d you go? Have you ever existed?

It has occurred to me that there are too many misunderstandings and not enough humanity. Why must we pertain to a certain group? Why should we feel the need to point out insignificant flaws in others?

Too many times I have heard people making fun of the way someone speaks or expresses themselves and I just can’t bring myself to understand it. Is it because they want to feel like their way is the only way to be? Or do people just enjoy emotionally damaging others? Maybe it’s not their intention to damage but instead make a joke. Which to me isn’t that funny.

I suppose it all lies within personal interests and humor. It is okay to not take everything serious and it is okay to take things very seriously, everyone’s different. They are most comfortable in the way they choose to express themselves. That way no one can really criticize the comfort of someone else.

Some people can sleep through a storm and others are awakened at the slightest sound. My point is that everyone has their limits and until we really know what they are we should not push buttons.

I’ve had quite enough of the “unintended” bullying, whether it be directly at me or me having to witness it. It’s definitely something people shouldn’t encourage or let happen. I’m not just saying this, I find this very troubling and thought it was appropriate to address.

No matter how much people like to think they are grown up or “mature” it still happens, people’s feelings are thrown in the air and there doesn’t seem to be an age limit for it.

I completely understand if it is someone you are dearly close to but words and names do hurt. I’m sure more than physical at times. So, it would be fucking awesome if everyone as a whole started taking into consideration others’ feelings. No matter their background, physical features, gender, sexual preferences, personality, or little habits. Everyone is unique and should be accepted as a human.

Hate to sound repetitive but I thought it should be put out there. It’s fine, we are humans, we have cynical and negative thoughts about others. You know what you do instead of letting it go? Swallow it. Don’t let it get out, forget about it, overlook it and you’ll notice what a difference it makes in you and the way you begin to see others.

Letting it happen is also being on the side of the oppressor. Don’t let it happen.

Unrequited

It seems as though there is always someone who feels more of than the other.

I suppose in this case it means that forgiveness is not equally given, nor is patience similarly practiced.

The whole idea of inequality and double standards plays a role in the everyday life. Whether it be between two people or groups.

The lack of forgiveness shows a lessened amount of care which is no damn surprise with most people nowadays. And when one does not have patience it affects not only the other person but him/herself.

I can forgive you as many times needed and I can withstand your issues, but if that is all not returned then there is nothing to hold the relationship together.

Unrequited affection is like poison. A poison two people were suppose to take, and one spat it out. Now the one who took the risk is the only one suffering the poison’s toxins.

Achieving Goals in Silence

There is a certain beauty I find and admire about humans who have grit. When everything is displayed in the open and flaunted like a peacock I find discomfort. Our greatest moments of self-satisfaction and rewards are fleeting but memorable. Although my guilt in peacocking has on occasion brought me back to self evaluation. The simple thought of sharing intimate goals openly in practice can be good to keep yourself accountable; but in the end most people will not always be happy for you. We just have to accept that our happiness and chosen path will not always be on par or the same as the next individual. Which doesn’t fucking matter anyway. Why is it so important that we become consumed by how well someone else is doing if it is simply none of your business. The light at the end of the tunnel however, is behind the intention. Is your intent to display your success a motivational reason or a braggatory reason?

Another thing to remind yourself is that the negative thoughts of others and even your own can and will affect your energy whether you want it or not. The process of your thoughts and preferences are almost instant and sometimes not our true character. I find that my inner voice can be intrusive if not silenced. You have to be selective to what you choose to give your time and effort. If you spend a large percentage of your day reminding yourself how hard life is it’s difficult to see beyond that. The goal is to let these intrusive thoughts come and go, feel them deeply and then choose whether or not this represents what you believe is how you want your mindset to follow.

Channeling your self critical thoughts and using those same words you use against yourself you fuel the motive to see beyond what hinders you and make sure your thoughts are where you wish to see yourself.

Learning to hold yourself accountable for a deeper sense other than praise, which reminds me of an attention-thirsty child. “Please, will you acknowledge how great I’m doing!”, and it’s endearing and scary to think we have yet to recondition those impulsive needs for acceptance among your peers. Because if we are honest with ourselves, if we are truly doing something that makes you FEEL genuinely satisfied and it stimulates your personal inner growth, you wouldn’t want to share it. Your journey is yours alone and who you choose to share it with should be a trusted source of energy until you reach the point of not being affected of what others may think or feel about you or others around you.

Your responsibility is your peace.

It’s about dropping the habit of needing to be liked. Whether it stem from insecurity, I can guarantee that if you are enticed to display your personal achievements it will almost always trigger a familiar face or spectator to somehow think or say something that can domino effect the work you did to be one with your desires.

Once you find this humility, defined as this “modest or low view of one’s own importance; humbleness” which for some reason I find that when you “lower your importance” on a large scale it’s easier to focus on your world. And that’s the beginning to the journey that never ends. The unselfish but selfish choice of starting your inner protective light work in the mind.

Living Without Passion

It is easy to let yourself drift into a monotonous and miserable path. The main reason is because we begin to lose focus and lose ourselves. We as interactive and social creatures need to be heard and felt, but before we do that we have to come into a deep realization of the self. Taking full control of your self, mind, and actions; and when that fails, making sure to keep yourself accountable. To point the blame at someone else for the mishaps of your life can be irresponsible and self destructive; leaving in the hands the responsibility of your own mental well-being to another source will always be a conscious backtracking decision to make.  The only way to grow in this “reality” is to actively become aware of yourself and becoming in tune to your intuition and intentions. Coming to terms with your wrongs and knowing how to correct it within yourself and moving forward can lead to a path of limitless outcomes (positive of course).

Since there is no set time or place as to which one experiences their journey it is up to each individual to become what they want and what makes them feel purposeful. Finding a passion is simple, humans are naturally very good at many things and better with practice of course, maintaining and continuously working with and from that passion as a key to inspiring new ideas and actions in your life. Although routine can work for most people, others will find that a repetitive cycle of days and hobbies will run them dry and begin a whole new cycle of monotony once again. Learning how to be patient with yourself and not always expecting for things to be as planned will provide a less stressful platform for your days. Remembering that nothing is better in the moment than what feels best, and focusing on that honest and good feeling can take you to places that you forget are what existing is about. We are not meant to dread and engulf ourselves with guilt and satisfying the ego. Giving back and doing what you love will lead to a much happier and steady mental space.

It is obviously easy to read and say these things, another is practicing and leaving it to your consciousness to manifest it’s desires in a positive way each and every day. Practicing mindfulness on a day to day basis such as leaving things unsaid for the benefit of another party, learning to let go, or simply giving kind words to make someone feel like things are not as bad as they may seem. Mental health is and always will be something that drives our bodies to do what it does, if you find you are not getting the best out of your day because your mental health is suffering maybe its time to check in on yourself and figure out what your body is lacking and how you can help it in order for your mind and body to function at its best. Self love starts as a thought and consideration for yourself, it will slowly start to develop more mindful thoughts towards others and a more deeper sense of understanding. Understanding yourself and your needs of course, but also understanding others and their reactions and why what we do can really affect our surroundings.

That being said, I hope that this can be found as an inspirational trigger to get the brain thinking and reevaluating where you stand with yourself. Transparency, love, and understanding will help you find the fiery passion that burns within us all.

 

To Be A Decent Human

Let it be known that I do not think I should justify my beliefs to anyone, but I do think that you are entitled to learn about an idea that benefits humanity as a whole. Perceiving feminism as a radical idea or “excuse” for women to do what they want is actually discrediting everything it has come to be. Feminism is not for the weak minded; My interpretation of this concept (or movement to be more precise) is an extension of one’s common sense. Even though most of us can see that common sense is not as common as we would prefer it to be, it is nonetheless a mean to equate humanity.

Roughly from the many interpretations that there are, the one common ground I find while reading the different “branches” or ideologies is that it is a progressive concept fighting for not only equal social, economical, political, and personal rights for women but also for all minorities who have/are dealing with oppression. Oppression being the core of belittling and emitting hate towards a group of people; I find that the oppressor never truly believes they are wrong and that further explains why there seems to be a division of people. This is where feminism comes to play and puts to perspective that all living beings have a right to exist so long as they do not cause harm to another. Finding the connection between you and other living creatures and truly believing you are no more or less than them you already practice feminism. Call it as you will, these are the ideologies that have been deeply rooted in conscious and “activist” movements tied with feminism.

I’ve heard and read about how some may not identify with feminism simply because they have “traditional” values; you can do and believe whatever you like as long as your beliefs do not intervene another persons life/RIGHTS. It is quite simple but hard for those who may think that one way is the only way, we must remember there are people and beings of many different walks of life, perspectives and cultures. The idea here is that you can coexist with others and live and let live, respecting the equal rights of all (especially those who are not yet valued). Just because you’d rather be a housewife does NOT mean you cannot be a feminist, just like because you’re a male does NOT mean you cannot be a feminist. I’m just saying that we should stop thinking of this F word as an annoying or trendy. It just shows that you can be a decent human being and others will still oppose.

Yes, feminism is about female empowerment because let’s not get carried away with disassociating our “beauty standards” with what the media portrays, and it’s a bit much for us to accept our HUMAN flaws and better ourselves for ourselves (please take note of my sarcasm). Yes, feminism is about equal rights for the gay and trans community because they are fucking people too and their “labels” do not define what they can or can not do. And yes, feminism is about uniting with POC in all of the times of dispare and injustice done for the simple matter of fact that they are perceived differently in the eyes of others and the “law” because of their looks, language, and even their names. And yes, feminism defends you and your hardships, the wrongs you have dealt because you have also grown in a society that has been built on a patriarchal ideology. Feminism if it’s practiced correctly will always be intersectional.

As a self proclaimed feminist, I will not apologize for standing up for what I believe in and why I choose to be the voice of the oppressed.

“Dangerous Women”

There is absolutely no better satisfaction and peace to a woman who finally realizes her worth and strength. You learn to utilize those qualities as a tool in your favor. It’s realizing that you can manipulate your life accordingly and push yourself to limits you forgot you had. After all, there’s nothing fucking poetic about being submissive to a life that makes you drag yourself around each day; moaning about how miserable you are and yet making yourself that much more miserable with those thoughts in the universe. There is power to taking life day by day not knowing where you will end up but having the courage to leap anyway. I constantly see women, mothers more than anything, struggle to get by in a male dominant society.

It is always those few dangerous ones that thrive, the ones who instill their assertive energy to go over obstacles, the ones who won’t take no for an answer. My heart bleeds for the women who are mentally and physically beaten to the point of surrender. But those are the ones who become dangerous, I see them, picking themselves off the ground ready to fight another fight and face those demons with nothing but grace and serenity. It’s the women who look passed the belittling of other women and choose to see the good in everyone. Working together and empowering one another because they don’t want you to do that. They prefer the woman who shrinks herself for them, they are afraid of the power you have within. And when I say “they” I mean society and the standards set for the “perfect” woman. Why hurt ourselves and each other if we are all perfect already? Perfectly yourself, always working on yourself and the inner peace. Just know you are beautiful, no matter your sexual organs, color of your skin, personal preference, religious practice, the symmetry of your face, or even the numbers on a scale. There is always a much bigger picture that you are helping create, you’ll have to use both dark and light, contrasting just right to make the ultimate masterpiece that is your life.

I think I speak for many women today when I say that I’m tired of double standards and the expectations that are held against us. Whether the damage was done by a significant other, father figure, mother, or strangers everyday, you are not alone. When we grow up in an environment that works against our own will, we cannot thrive. Only when we communicate and stand our ground do we push forward, even if that sometimes means that we must stop all contact with another person. Some are just not destined to be in our path and the universe will manifest that in negativity. You can always make a difference in your life when you have the motivation to. After all, we need that negativity and hurt to differentiate the good and well deserved co-inhabitant. Start at home, work, school, and in social environments, that’s where it begins. The unlearning of prejudice and machismo, the advancing ideals of a generation who lives and let’s live; flourishing through the power of love and empowerment of the oppressed.

Ambiguity

The word that explains everything and nothing at all. Everything is ambiguous which can directly translate as “everything is a mystery”, something with unattained information; unclear. Living in a mystery, yet still able to understand concepts, and breathe.

If the mystery of life is solved by death, the mystery of love is solved by heartbreak.
You may ask “why the answers are the opposite?”, but when you process it, you realize that we only stop figuring these things out once they cease. Your heart is broken, love is what caused it, but why is your heart broken? You can probably go through a variety of flashbacks and notice that love is a mystery that can only be solved by the end of it, whether it picks up again or not.
I couldn’t really tell you about death, since I am still here. But everyone is seeking their own answers to their life’s mystery, why are we here? What should I do? Yet you are so busy trying to figure it out that it passes by and when death comes, it’s like a slap in the face. And here is when love and life are very similar, you must appreciate it while you have it.

An infinite mystery is the soul, the thing that drives us and seems as though it’s been through many lives. It just makes you wonder why you feel things on a deeper level, and how sometimes your soul intwines with another without an exact explanation.

I’ve fallen in love with unsolvable mysteries.

Reflections of Myself and You

As much as anyone would like to think that being and doing things on their own is the best way to be they are lying. Even I, who basically preaches self-love and personal upbringing, without a doubt know that being lonely is the worst way to feel.

For one, I embrace darkness, I find that negative feelings help bring light. There is a difference, on one end you can deeply feel everything and react in a negative way, or let that feeling soak in and make room for something better. There needs to be a balance, a balance  where the negativeness and positiveness does not exist, it just all collides into mutual understandings because there’s many sides to everything.

The other morning I had a long talk with my father and what he said to me I will never forget, “People are like seeds, they go through life hoping to be watered. Many are disappointed because they are left lonely and dry, but you can’t give up, there is someone out there that will make that feeling go away. You will be watered, you will grow, and flourish, and find that your patience was worth the sorrow”. I tried my best to make the most sense of this and all I got was that I can’t let the loneliness get the best of me, and neither should anyone else.

It’s a feeling that eats you, devours every hope and dream you may have had. The worst part is that no one ever feels lonely until they have already been in good company once and now their soul craves that warmth again. It is hard, especially when you are as selective of people as you are selective about what you wear. Not intending that that’s the way people choose their friends but there is a similarity. You don’t want to be around someone that doesn’t compliment you as a person, likewise with what you wear. You wear what best suits you.

And sometimes stemming from childhood we aren’t sure how to accept and reciprocate that affection and care. As responsible humans we should realize there is a disconnect in that area for us and try to mend it if we wish to live a fulfilled life.

I find it ironic that loneliness can still be felt around a group of people, you remain in that homesick feeling. Home being with the one you feel as ease with, who you feel most comfortable around. It just hits you when you least expect it, taking a shower, drinking coffee, watching a movie, and laying in bed thinking all of this would be so much better if I had someone to joke about this with.

As much as people nowadays try to play it off and want to seem superior, they feel these things too. Everyone does, and we all forget that. I remind myself this when a stranger randomly speaks to me, they need an ear, someone to hear them and I do not mind lending that to them. If it means saving them from this horrible feeling for a couple minutes, I’ll give them that. This should not just apply to strangers, it applies to everyone, your family, friends, pets.

I came to the conclusion that this sickness(loneliness) can be cured with compassion. Be someone’s home, and they will be yours in return. It’s programmed in most people to give and receive and what better way to give compassion and receive it back. This can be a platonic relationship as well as a familiar or romantic one. It’s up to you to choose how you feel at most ease and not affected by the ones who have no desire to fix their situations.

Continue to be selective, but do not be hard. Being hard will only result in your own weakness, that’s when you become wise about your choices. You begin to take part in activities and be around people you genuinely make you feel welcome, and there is no better feeling.

Right, Wrong, Good, and Bad.

The thought of human behavior and popular opinion clash at almost every turn. No one can say or do something without the intent falling out of place. In other words, someone always has to be right, to prove someone wrong, and to reveal whether this other person is good or bad.

One thing is always certain, all humans die, unless you’re a vampire or some shit. But regardless, nothing will live forever, at some point all that we know and that knows us will cease to exist.

No matter what you do or say, you will go out the same way. Meaning, you can be/do anything in your life, and you will cease to be as will the next person.

The only thing we differ from others is how we deal with our situations. This is where one cannot be good or bad. When making a decision you go through a process of self gratification, you will act based upon what will make you feel better. To others you will seem “good” if you  attend to your situation the way an average person may (or what society promotes to being the right way). And in the same way, you will appear “bad” if you attend the situation in a very drastic and unappealing way (drugs, isolation, suicide, etc.)

I do not mean people don’t make mistakes, because we are only human. We will end up making a decision from time to time that affects us in a way that was not planned and turn out hurting yourself and even others.

When considering anything, it almost always immediately applies to yourself before anything. Therefore the only opinion that should matter is one’s own.

I am actually just trying to say the most cliché thing that has ever been said “DO WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY”. That is it, that is my awesome conclusion. Mostly because I feel like we tend to forget that, including myself.

I can’t count how many times others have perceived me as being some evil person when in all reality I was just dealing with my own. And sometimes, I would unintentionally hurt someone and you know what? I can not physically/mentally/verbally do anything to make that person better if I wanted to, that pain is to be dealt with on their own. That will lead to their decisions and so forth, making this huge chain reaction that had initially started at one person.

So, when it comes to yourself, you are the only one to dictate and voice what will happen and act upon it based on your personal opinion.

If you were to apply this to any world issue, everyone always chooses a side, you can’t call someone out on their opinion because if they did that to you– you would be offended and no one likes being offended. That is why there are so many political debates today, because someone’s views are always “wrong” to another and there is almost never a clear understanding between humans without having someone offended.

This is also to promote the cliché act of “PUTTING YOURSELF IN OTHER PEOPLE’S SHOES”, because there is no better understanding than the view through first person, and if you feel like leaving someone or a situation will benefit yourself and the other person in the long run, then do so. Do not hold on to what does not want to be held.

But then again, this is all my personal opinion, do what you please with it, I am only voicing my opinion to no specific person but myself.