Realizing Realization

by mujerapasionada

There is too much nothing. The lack of actual human interaction has increasingly subsided. Not  that it truly matters to me, because I rather keep to myself, but now, no one understands each other.

I used to think growing up would be a wonderful journey, I’d meet cool people, fall in love, and do things I’d remember for the rest of my life.

What I have realized is that my childish wishful thinking turned out to be a foretelling of a live nightmare. You know, the ones where  you sweat and cry through and hope you wake up from but end up actually falling into some black hole, and while you’re in that black hole you just let yourself go; somehow as you let yourself go and no longer feel afraid, or feel anything for that matter, you wake up.

These continuous “nightmares” happen when one of my “wonderful journeys” kick me in the ass. For instance, I meet a cool person, they turn out to be jealous assholes who only think of themselves. (Not referring to anyone is specific, everyone is a jealous egotistical fucktard). BUT after you have that realization you go through a process of letting go. The “black hole” nightmare repeats itself and won’t let you move on until you are numb and convince yourself it is best to leave that once “cool person” behind.

I think it has the same effect for lovers and little adventures. We can’t fully move on until we face the stupid “black hole” and get back to reality less inspired and motivated to even give more “wonderful journeys” a chance.

I guess what I am trying to say is that everyone looks for an excuse not to move forward, or repair a situation that can benefit more than one person. Even if that one thing wasn’t all that great, take it all in, let it be a lesson, let it be a stepping stone in your life.

When you realize the effect you have on yourself and others around you, it can not go bad. I’ve gotten to my point of external peace. Nothing can bother me anymore. Being humble is not a characteristic, it is a choice, to hold your hand out for others, yet not being afraid to reach out for one when you’re in need. The knowledge of not knowing but trying anyhow, it’s by far the most admirable trait in any person. 

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